Sexual Identity March 12, 2013

The concept of a fixed sexual identity is something that has always seemed mystifying to me. Surely the sexual possibilities available to me are limited solely by the scope of my vision? There are some things that appeal to me more than others, and some things that might even make me feel uncomfortable, but why does the world need to slap a label on me?

Bodies are great, but the best part about them is the people that reside inside them. When I have sex with someone I don’t just have sex with their body, I have sex with them. But that doesn’t mean that bodies are irrelevant, only that they are a small part of a bigger story. Just because I have had sex with men and with women doesn’t mean I’m bisexual, because that definition puts limitations on who I could be, and expectations on who I should be.

If I mainly have sex with men, does that mean I’m straight? The touch of a woman’s hands and lips turns me on just as much as the touch of a man’s.  Do I have to give you a number on a scale? Define myself by my history and my patterns? Do you need me to compare myself to you? Are you more butch? More queer? More monogamous? By saying yes to any of these I would create limitations on my future. I am not who I was, I am who I am becoming.

For me the ultimate sexual experience is one where we are both surprised. I don’t need to dominate you to get off. I don’t need to dress in an outfit and call you daddy for my kicks. I don’t need you to act a particular way. I don’t need to top from the bottom. I don’t want to limit your experience by dictating a script for you to play so that I can reach my goal. I don’t have a goal. But at the same time I don’t want to play a role for you either. Not unless it’s within the context of understanding that we are role playing. If we have an understanding that we are playing without a goal then anything is possible as long as we both agree to it. I can play at anything.


Sexual Identity

Leave a Reply


Polly Whittaker is a 21st century sex culture revolutionary. She has dedicated her life to sexually progressive community, as an acclaimed latex fashion designer, a creator of arty, sexy parties, and a spokesperson for sex culture. Born in London, England, in 1974, she is the daughter of a hot air balloon pilot and a sex therapist. She relocated to San Francisco—home of the sexual revolution—in 1999. Her award-winning event, Kinky Salon, takes place in a dozen cities across Europe and North America. She recently joined forces with Christopher Ryan, Author of NYT Bestselling Book Sex at Dawn to create—a social network for global sex culture.

Sexual Identity March 12, 2013

Blog . Sex