I’m sad. I’m sad that so many innocent lives were taken in Orlando. Why are gay men the target of so much hatred and their sexuality such a taboo in our culture? How could the idea of two men kissing possibly send someone into such a rage that they go on the biggest killing spree of our history? How could an expression of pleasure and love create such hatred? The idea of it is so beyond my understanding I can’t even wrap my head around the news, but having been a full time sex culture revolutionary for as long as I have, the saddest part is that I’m not surprised. The fear of gay men is deeply entrenched in our culture and there are many complex cultural factors leading to this environment of hatred: rape culture, objectification and toxic masculinity all have their part to play. In a culture that has suppressed sexuality for thousands of years it’s not surprising that people get weird and obsessive about it and act out in horrific ways. We are healing from so much crippling sexual shame it might take us decades, even centuries, to recover. Perhaps even you, dear reader, have had a moment of “ew” over the idea of dude sex. How did you feel when he spat in his palm in Brokeback?
Talking about where it comes from is important, but I’d also like to talk about how we change it, because even at Kinky Salon—the front line of queer friendly, body positive, community oriented, heart centered, sex positive community—the sight of two men kissing—really going at it with tongues and hands and passion—isn’t nearly as common as two women. It’s not just a San Francisco thing—we have dedicated teams of people from cities all over the world working on this conundrum, scratching their heads and wondering how we can encourage more men to play at Kinky Salon. We track sexual play and feedback from our events and report our findings back to the sexual diversity mastermind group. We try to figure out strategies for change. Should we reach out to gay communities and invite them with special deals and discounts? Should we word our invitations differently to make sure they feel welcome?
There are lots of ideas being discussed but personally I think that the most effective way to welcome man on man action is by example. We want to celebrate two men kissing because it’s beautiful. So we encourage you to experiment if you haven’t tried it—see what it feels like to feel the lips of a man on yours. If you’re a friend of a bi guy who comes to Kinky Salon but usually plays with girls in public, let him know he’s welcome and encouraged to play with other men at our events. If we really are the vanguard of sex culture then let’s work to normalize the sight of men kissing within our community.
If you are a bisexual or bicurious man and you are attending a Kinky Salon, please, for the sake of cultural change, KISS A MAN. Kiss him on the dancefloor, kiss him in the playspace, kiss him in the photobooth. The world needs more men kissing.