Table of Contents and Introduction

Table of Contents

 

 

Introduction to Kinky Salon…. 5

 

The History of Kinky Salon….. 5

 

About This Manual….. 6

 

So, You Want to Host a Kinky Salon?….. 6

 

Unofficial Kinky Salons AKA Kinky Soirees……. 6

 

The Restrictions of Throwing an Unofficial Kinky Soiree….. 6

 

Official Kinky Salon Local Chapters…… 7

 

Putting Together a Team……. 7

 

Producer………… 8

 

Event Host…….. 8

 

Communications………… 8

 

Entertainment… 9

 

Décor…. 9

 

Volunteer Coordinator…. 9

 

Conflict Resolution……… 9

 

Global Contact… 9

 

Agreements, Application and Contract………… 10

 

The Kinky Salon Local Chapter Agreements….. 10

 

The Agreements In Depth.. 11

 

Use volunteers for the majority of your event staff………. 11

 

Be committed to the collaborative process………… 11

 

Manage your mailing list and social networking with care………. 11

 

Have an inclusive entry policy… 11

 

Avoid sexual objectification in your promotional materials……….. 11

 

Present an image that is queer friendly and body positive………… 12

 

Have a friendly and welcoming greeter at the door, separate from collecting money 12

 

Have walk-around hosts welcoming people and keeping an eye on things. 12

 

Have the Kinky Salon Charter on your website and posted by the door at the event 12

 

Have a process for maintaining the Charter…….. 12

 

Have a dress code, costumes and theme.. 12

 

Use the PAL system….. 13

 

Have a sexy, funny, colorful cabaret…… 13

 

Play fun, upbeat, uplifting music……….. 13

 

Have a comfy area for play, and provide safer sex supplies……….. 13

 

Maintain the playful, colorful, creative tone of Kinky Salon…….. 13

 

Provide a place online for people to gather between events………. 13

 

If you are charging at the door, it must be a reasonable price……. 13

 

Profits after your production costs should be put back into the community. 14

 

Acknowledge the origin of Kinky Salon prominently…… 14

 

The Application Process for Becoming a Kinky Salon Local Chapter…….. 14

 

Committing to a Schedule. 14

 

The Pledge We Make to New Events…….. 14

 

The Kinky Salon Local Chapter Contract.. 16

 

The Kinky Salon Formula….. 17

 

Before the event….. 18

 

Find a venue……. 18

 

Hotels.. 18

 

Swinger friendly venues……….. 18

 

Private residence………. 18

 

Dedicated venue……….. 18

 

A note about legality…. 18

 

Think of a top-notch theme……….. 18

 

A note about cultural sensitivity…….. 20

 

The PAL system (Pervy Activity Liaison).. 20

 

PAL system F.A.Q……. 20

 

The Kinky Salon Charter. 21

 

Send out a witty invitation………… 23

 

Be clear about your status……… 23

 

Introduction….. 23

 

Event details…. 24

 

Entertainment details… 24

 

PAL system and Charter……….. 24

 

Explain what a Kinky Salon is.. 24

 

Example Invitation……….. 24

 

Organize some trusty volunteers… 26

 

Example email….. 26

 

Volunteer Task List……….. 26

 

The Door People.. 27

 

A note about turning people away….. 27

 

Instructions to give to your door greeter. 27

 

Walkaround Host. 28

 

Instructions to give to your walkaround hosts….. 28

 

Coatcheck and Boozecheck………… 29

 

Instructions to give to your bar staff……. 29

 

Instructions to give to your coatcheck staff………. 29

 

Find some talent for the cabaret…. 29

 

How to credit Kinky Salon………… 30

 

Figure out your budget….. 30

 

The Night of the Event…….. 31

 

Set the space up with multiple areas………. 31

 

Tips and ideas for creating an inviting space………. 31

 

Fabric.. 31

 

Lighting………. 31

 

Practical Stuff… 32

 

Intention……… 32

 

Provide safer sex supplies. 32

 

Coordinate your trusty volunteers. 32

 

Post the charter by the door………. 33

 

Play some awesome music………… 33

 

Deal with problems directly………. 33

 

How to deal with arguments….. 33

 

How to deal with guests who don’t seem to have a PAL. 34

 

How to deal with solo people lingering in playspaces…… 34

 

How to deal with people who seem unhappy…… 34

 

How to deal with overly intoxicated guests……… 34

 

A word about drugs and alcohol………… 35

 

Have a short and silly Cabaret…… 35

 

The Kinky Salon Pledge of Allegiance… 36

 

More Resources for organizing your team…….. 37

 

Kinky Salon London: team values agreement…….. 37

 

Kinky Salon London: Guidelines for team communications………. 38

 

Decision-making and finding solutions… 39

 

Pitfalls in online communications………. 39

 

Criticism………. 40

 

Resolving conflict amongst team members………. 40

 

Kinky Salon London: Dealing with conflict resolution and complaints…… 40

 

More Resources for the night of the event……… 42

 

Event Checklist….. 42

 

Before doors open……… 42

 

Caring for the space during the event…. 42

 

Shutting down the event……….. 43

 

Tips and tricks for happy party hosts……… 43

 

Don’t sweat the petty things, pet the sweaty things……… 43

 

Have a place to retreat.. 43

 

Develop Spidey Senses. 44

 

Delegate gracefully……. 44

 

Set up the day before the event. 44

 

Prepare your costume… 44

 

Pamper yourself……….. 44

 

Prepare for the come-down…….. 44

 

Take a night off………… 44

 

How to Be a Playspace Sweetheart………… 44

 

A note about sexual energy………… 46

 

After the Event…… 46

 

Give compassionate feedback where needed……….. 46

 

Template feedback email… 46

 

Making hard decisions.. 47

 

Asking for help………… 48

 

Receiving Feedback………. 48

 

Sample email response to negative feedback……….. 48

 

Bad Behavior…. 48

 

Relationship drama……. 48

 

Appreciate Your Volunteers……… 49

 

Town Hall Meeting…… 49

 

Online feedback forms.. 49

 

Focus groups…. 49

 

Volunteer Appreciation Party…. 49

 

Gather Your Community Online.. 49

 

Collect email addresses. 49

 

Protect your list………… 50

 

Easy unsubscribe………. 50

 

Create a secret facebook group… 50

 

Create a private event from inside your group…. 50

 

Create a public page for people to “Like”……….. 50

 

Create a public event from inside your page……. 50

 

Create a group and event listings on the Kinky Salon social network……. 50

 

Send Out Thanks to the Volunteers and Performers……….. 50

 

Special Thanks…… 51

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Introduction to Kinky Salon

 

 

 

Kinky Salon is a global movement that promotes sexual liberation by hosting community gatherings where sex is integrated into the social fabric of the events. Kinky Salons are parties. They are really, really fun parties with costumes, art, dancing, and performance, as well as areas where people can be playfully sexual. We are queer friendly, body positive, accessible and inclusive.  Creativity is the focus of the events, and sex is just one way to express yourself at a Kinky Salon.

 

We live in a complicated world when it comes to sex culture, rife with paradoxes, fears, heartache and trauma. Kinky Salons encourage exploration and experimentation in a consensual, inclusive environment, run entirely by teams of volunteers. Kinky Salon is a social experiment embedded with tools to help people explore their identity, learn to communicate their boundaries, and surf their comfort zones.

 

Take a peek under the hood and we’ll show you how to create a super fun, sexy evening for you and your friends. Anyone is welcome to use the Kinky Salon formula to create private events for their own community, but please let us know by filling out the new events form, and be aware of the restrictions for unofficial events before you start planning.

 

To get more involved, you can apply to become officially recognized as a local Kinky Salon chapter. This will give you access to the global community, get you listed on the Kinky Salon website, and allow you to throw public events.

 

 

 

THE HISTORY OF KINKY SALON

 

San Francisco has a long history of sexual permissiveness, and the history of counter culture sex parties is rich. Before Kinky Salon there was a lineage of events blending community with art and sexuality, all the way back to the swinging ’60s. The AIDS crisis in the ’80s knocked the wind brutally out of the sails of the blossoming sex culture in San Francisco. By the time I arrived here it in 1999 it was ready for another bloom.

 

I founded Kinky Salon in April 2003 with Scott Levkoff. The first event was an after-party for a big fetish ball being held nearby our community space in the Mission District of San Francisco. The combination of color, creativity, community and diverse, authentic sexuality became hugely popular, and within a couple of years the events were bi-weekly and bursting at the seams.

 

When we started things looked very different. At first, Kinky Salon did not have themes. We had a couple of special events with themes and realized what a difference it made to the vibe. People got excited about creating a costume, exchanging ideas, hosting sewing nights and going shopping together—it became a community activity. Creativity bubbled up, and next thing we knew we had a party full of the most ridiculously sexy people we had ever seen. Costuming takes the seriousness out of the sexually charged vibe.

 

Another major difference was that at first people didn’t have sex at Kinky Salons. Although they were always sexy, the sex didn’t really start happening until a couple of years in. There was some action, in dark corners. We had a spanking bench, and there were certainly plenty of kinky escapades, but it took a couple of years before we added dedicated playspaces, designed specifically for people to have sex. Or, as we dubbed them, the “horizontal socializing space.”

 

The structure of the event developed over the next few years, and eventually became a tried and tested magic formula. In 2009, I wrote it all down in the first Kinky Salon guidebook, and shared it with an event producer in Austin who created the first local Kinky Salon chapter. Soon after, we hosted a series of workshops called “Booty Camp,” and trained up a core volunteer who was moving to London. She took the magic formula with her and London became the first event in Europe.

 

I hosted Kinky Salon with Scott for nine years, and then we parted ways so that Scott could focus on other projects. I now host Kinky Salon in San Francisco, and guide the global Kinky Salon community.

 

 

 

To learn more about the history of Kinky Salon, where I came from, and a deeper look into the ethos, pick up a copy of my memoir Polly: Sex Culture Revolutionary.

 

 

 

 

RETURN TO KINKY SALON MANUAL

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Table of Contents and Introduction

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Polly

Polly Whittaker is a 21st century sex culture revolutionary. She has dedicated her life to sexually progressive community, as an acclaimed latex fashion designer, a creator of arty, sexy parties, and a spokesperson for sex culture. Born in London, England, in 1974, she is the daughter of a hot air balloon pilot and a sex therapist. She relocated to San Francisco—home of the sexual revolution—in 1999. Her award-winning event, Kinky Salon, takes place in a dozen cities across Europe and North America. She recently joined forces with Christopher Ryan, Author of NYT Bestselling Book Sex at Dawn to create Kotango.com—a social network for global sex culture.

Table of Contents and Introduction July 29, 2014


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